Xunzi

Posted on By Appledog

Xunzi, also known as Xun Kuang or Hsün Tzu, was a significant Confucian philosopher who lived during the Warring States period, around 313-238 BCE. Born in the state of Zhao, Xunzi was a contemporary of other notable thinkers such as Mencius. Unlike Mencius, who believed in the inherent goodness of human nature, Xunzi argued that humans are born with a natural inclination towards selfishness and that only through education and the strict application of rituals (li) can people cultivate virtue and achieve moral improvement. His ideas were influential in shaping the development of Confucian thought and had a lasting impact on Chinese philosophy.

Xunzi’s teachings emphasized the importance of education, ritual, and the role of the state in promoting moral order. He believed that human nature, though fundamentally flawed, could be transformed through rigorous education and adherence to ritualistic practices. Xunzi served as a teacher and held various official positions, where he promoted his views on governance and ethics. He wrote extensively, with his works compiled into the book known as the “Xunzi,” which addresses various philosophical, political, and ethical issues. His pragmatic and somewhat pessimistic view of human nature set him apart from other Confucian thinkers and influenced later Legalist thinkers.

One of Xunzi’s notable teaching methods involved conducting his lessons during distracting events such as parades and dances. He believed that true scholars would remain focused and undistracted despite the chaos around them. By teaching in these lively environments, Xunzi could observe which students demonstrated the necessary discipline and concentration to absorb his lessons. Those who maintained their focus and adhered to proper conduct during such distractions were chosen by Xunzi as his students. This method not only helped him identify the most dedicated and serious learners but also instilled in them a deep sense of discipline and moral fortitude, which he deemed essential for personal development and effective governance. This approach underscored his belief in the transformative power of education and the critical role of self-discipline in achieving moral excellence.

Xero Aptos Shoe Review

Posted on By Appledog

I have been using the Xero Aptos shoe in black for the last year and a half, out in the parks almost every day, on both concrete and grass as well as on track, both at school and at the public stadium. According to my watch it’s been over one million steps.

Aptos – Men

I originally purchased the shoe on Amazon. They’re currently sold out, and I don’t have an affiliate link anyways, so I linked to the Xero site. You can buy them from there.

I am a size 11 or 11.5 but I ordered 12s and they fit perfect. I liked the wide toe box. My initial feeling is that they fit better in the toe box than Adidas SM-IIs, and even better than the slip-on AdiLuxe that I liked better than the SM-IIs. Both of which blew feiyue’s out of the water. After over one year of wearing these I classify them as a solid 9/10 for kungfu and maybe an 8/10 for daily wear. Here are my observations:

  • They do not get destroyed by getting wet (even soaking wet) like SM-IIs, but they get a half size looser when they dry out.
  • The sole rubber squeaks on stone and gym floors. This can be annoying at first but I found that it went away after I learned to control my steps. Therefore I found it to be a blessing in the end.
  • The shoes come with a card that advises you to break them in. This means slowly increase the time you wear them each day. I will explain this below:

Plantar Fasciitis Warning

When I got these, I suddenly switched from SM-IIs to the Aptos as a daily wear as well as training. This was a mistake because the shoes have a better connection to the ground than the SM-IIs (and are thus better for kungfu). They allow you to grip the toes with the ground more, and require you to use more muscles in the foot as the sole is not as stiff.

However, the sudden change induced plantar fasciitis that lasted almost an entire year. I don’t know exactly what happened — it could have been the repetitive stress, or it could have been a few accidental heel strikes I wasn’t prepared for (expecting the strike-feel of the old shoes) or if it was b as a result of a. If I could go back in time, I would have tried breaking in the shoes for 20 min a day at first, then moving to 45 min or 1 hour a day after a week, then increasing the time until I got used to them. I don’t know if that would fix the problem, but I am advising you to be careful if this is your first time wearing such close-to-the-ground shoes.

In any case, they felt amazing and comfortable — they had a more comfortable feeling than the SM-IIs or AdiLuxes I had worn for years, and as mentioned they had a better connection to the ground. And now that I am used to them, I love them.

For Indoor and Outdoor use only!

One of the things that really sold me on these shoes, besides their comfort level, was the day it rained in the park when I was out training. They got soaked. However, when they dried out they were totally fine. They were a bit looser (so I put some dr, scholes in them, since I had plantar fasciitis at the time, and it was a perfect fit).

Whereas getting wet usually destroys the sole of a SM-II base shoe, which then requires re-gluing (not a problem, but it should have been made right) these shoes dried out with no apparent damage. I already knew these shoes were going to rate higher than the SM-IIs for outdoor use, but this put them into the category of daily wear.

Now, it might seem a bit strange at times to wear what looks like Chinese Slippers. That perception problem is mainly caused by the cheap garbage-quality cloth soled chinese slippers many people wear in Tai Chi classes. If you are worried about that just get the gray ones instead.

I found it hard to believe, but I found a shoe better than the SM-IIs and even the rare AdiLuxe shoes I used to wear. I’m a convert! Tai Chi, Kung Fu, Concrete, Track, Ground, Field, etc. these are great. Although they really highlight why you should avoid training on concrete. It’s like horseshoes; Horses never needed shoes, until they started walking on roads. So be careful wearing barefoot shoes on hard surfaces. It is doable if you are careful and have great experience training on concrete or asphalt.

Conclusions

These are daily wear, forms and two-man training shoes. Not really a walking shoe or a jogging shoe. Your just going to want something with better cushioning if you plan to walk 10k steps daily. You could do it, but, you need to understand it takes a while to get used to the lack of cushioning on the heel. You will hurt yourself if you just throw these on suddenly and wear them all day.

If your coming from FeiYue’s (7/10) your first major step-up is going to be Adidas Sambas (8/10). I’d put the Onitsuka Tigers in the Sambas category. From there, you want to move towards a barefoot style shoe so you can move into Adidas SM-II (8/10) or the AdiLuxe style (8/10), which I prefer over SM-IIs.

The tradeoff between these is that the SM-IIs and AdiLuxe are not made as well as the Tigers or the Sambas so the heel will separate or wear down very quickly in a daily wear scenario or outdoor use. But, they are much more comfortable than the Sambas or Tigers for training. This tradeoff will make you upset but the solution is the Xero Aptos.

If you are looking for a cheaper alternative you could try the Whitin brand on Amazon. The “Whitin Mens Wide Minimalist Barefoot Sneakers, Zero Drop, Midfoot Stability” are like a cheaper laced version of these. They’re okay, but you get what you pay for. They re like a Samba or a Tiger but a bit more barefoot.

The Xero Aptos solves all of the durability problems with the SM-II/AdiLuxe and includes a wider toe box and a better ground-feel. So far I have not found a better shoe. 9/10.

Taiji Ten Ten

Posted on By Appledog

Taiji Ten Ten

  1. The energy at the top of the head should be light and sensitive
  2. Sink the chest and raise the back
  3. Remains relax with no tensions
  4. Distinguish full from empty
  5. Sink the shoulders and drop the elbows
  6. Use the mind and not strength
  7. Unite the upper and lower body
  8. Unite internal and external
  9. Continuity without interruption
  10. Seek Stillness in movement

1. The head should be upright so the shen (spirit) can reach the headtop.
This is informed by the 8 channel exercise, esp. fire channel and water channel.

2. Sink the chest and pluck up the back.
This is informed by the 8 channel exercize, esp. lung channel.

3. Sung (relax) the waist.
This is informed by the 8 channel exercise, esp. dai channel.

4. Differentiate insubstantial and substantial.
This is informed by the 8 channel exercise, esp, small channel exercise — but also by many others such as taming the tiger.

5. Sink the shoulders and elbows.
This is informed by the 8 channel exercise, but also by many others such as 9 movements of chen style foundation.

6. Use mind and not force.
This is informed by the 8 channel exercise, but also by standing or in brush knee fa li exercise.

7. Upper and lower mutually follow.
This is informed by many but press elbow exercise and single whip/an are good canidates.

8. Inside and outside coordinate.
This is informed by many but especially combined whirl arms exercise.

9. It is mutually joined and unbroken.
This is especially informed by silk reeling jibengong.

10. Seek stillness in movement.
This is informed by many exercises; it has multiple meanings. it could be informed by combined whirl arms, or standing. One aspect is sinking in transition.

Principles vs. Techniques

Posted on By Appledog
Tai Chi and Qigong, as well as all Chinese martial arts, begin training by copying and repeating techniques. Over time, these techniques become internalized and yield what is known as “gong” — the same word as “gong fu” (kung fu). This kung fu is the ability to express the principles of the art physically with your body.
The biggest mistake beginners make is to focus on the art intellectually and to try and understand or rationalize the principles of the art before being able to express them. It is good to understand what the principles are as a roadmap but no amount of “understanding” makes up for “perception”. It can also cause problems if there is a mistake in understanding because the student will miss or resist the correct training results later.

“If you want what I have, then do what I do.”

This teaching is easy to understand and easy to follow. The teacher says, “If you want what I have, then do what I do.” You must copy the teacher’s techniques diligently, precisely and accurately, trust the teacher and be patient to achieve results. This is difficult to understand in the beginning because it can take years to achieve results. So you must find a teacher who is both knowledgeable and virtuous in his conduct and you must follow him for as long as you can.

Is Self-Defense Spiritual?

Posted on By Appledog

In Chinese culture and religion, self-defense can be seen both as a low-tech endeavor (such as farming, fieldwork or bodyguard work) and also, especially in terms of cultivation culture and religion, as a means to bettering one’s self and even to achieve enlightenment. Across Taoism and Buddism we find references to a culture of self-development based around a sort of fusion between yoga, qigong, philosophy, and martial arts.

I think the point should be made that as a sovereign spiritual entity (someone with a soul) it is important to be able to defend your self in the physical plane while still understanding that the other person is a sovereign spiritual entity in the same sense you are. Then, the removal of ego can be accomplished via the drive towards non-violent martial arts and the seeds of enlightenment will have been planted, leading towards the practitioner’s karma being changed by a lifetime of practice.

Another aspect to the removal of violence from defense is the foundation of a society; a society aims to keep it’s population safe. So when engaging in self-defense it is important to avoid cruelty and “excessive violence” whenever possible. The very definition of excessive becomes whatever society allows to seep through the cracks. If someone comes to attack you, this is already a violation of society. You are only allowed to defend yourself because you are able to point to society and say “You failed me;” in any other case your actions, in that they overstep society’s right to protect you for you, are to be seen as excessive.

Tao Te Ching Chapter 36 seems to discuss a type of restraint from violence as in fact the pinnacle of kung fu; “It is better to maim than kill, it is better to break than to maim, it is better to strike than to break, it is better to push than to strike, it is better to throw out (push) than to strike, and the highest level is when the opponent does not feel the action of the push against him.” Heavily paraphrased, of course.

So considering we get a free pass from the ancients and society allows it, does that mean it is truly acceptable for one on the spiritual path to learn self-defense? Is it possible to respond to true violence in a non-violent way?

Diary of a Failure (Part 5)

Posted on By Appledog

This is not a story about just one person, unless you consider that person to be me.

When I first moved to Toronto, I had begun practicing Tai Chi in the park. Various parks downtown. On the second day a man came up to me and said, “Oh, you practice Tai Chi? I saw you walking yesterday, and you looked like a Tai Chi man!” He was an interesting fellow.

One of the places I used to go to practice had a group and it so happened that he sometimes came and practiced with that group. Not all the time, but sometimes. I noticed he would sometimes give corrections to some of the other members. He seemed to be a nice and kind man and to know something about the art. Who is this man? Is he an Angel? Ahh.

Anyways, as the years went by he would often drop in on my practice in the park and chat with me and we became good acquaintances. I didn’t think much of his skills at the time because he seemed to be rather stiff. I had seen him doing some kind of karate before so I knew the root of his issue. In any case, I wasn’t anywhere good enough to even consider teaching others in the group — it was a group of sharing — so I didn’t say anything.

Years went by and at some point we ended up pushing hands, after one of our many fascinating little chats about Tai Chi. Push hands was still new for me at the time, and I didn’t really know what I was doing, even though I had read a lot and been instructed, so to speak, in the basic rules. Suddenly he stepped in and slammed my chest with a double push. I had to hop back, and I must have blushed out of surprise if anything, not really understanding why he did that. I mean, I knew he shouldn’t have done that, but I ignored it and asked for another round. I was even more surprised when he said “no, it’s not worth it,” and he walked away. Yes, I was surprised, but I ignored it. I felt bad if only because I had hoped to find a push hands partner. There wasn’t anyone else really good downtown. The leader of the group was a Chaquan player who wasn’t very good at push hands, and despite my training told me that I was doing his Chaquan set all wrong. Isn’t that suprising? Well, should it even be? Well, I’m not perfect, I guess.

The next day he apologized and I of course forgave him but he seemed to stay away for a while after that.

About a decade later I met him again on one of my training vacations. I visited him in his tea shop. He was easy to find because he was still teaching Tai Chi, just as he had been doing when we met downtown many years ago. I found it interesting that he was an active Tai Chi teacher but I didn’t think much about it other than to grasp it. After a short chat he demonstrated one of the Tai Chi forms he knew. He claimed it was an older set, based on Yang BanHou’s style. It was stiff and karate-like. After the demonstration I asked him about things like internal strength, etc. and he played the secrets card on me. I didn’t know if he was bluffing or he just decided to try and keep secrets from me. In any case we parted amicably and he asked to meet up again in a couple of weeks so I could demonstrate to him the new things I learned from my teacher. Pretty standard really. However, when I tried to call him after the next few weeks, he was hard to get a hold of. Eventually I got a message to stop calling him (I had attempted to call 3 times over three days) and his excuse was that he was a “family man” and did not have so much time to go out and train. Ok, understandable.

Yet I could not help realizing, ultimately, that he had defined himself fully quite a while ago.

He wasn’t a failure. It isn’t that he failed. He never really tried. I had hoped that he was someone who, presenting himself as a Tai Chi teacher, would have more to offer. That somehow, he would have more to share. That he would also be able to appreciate me. I was looking for validation, I was looking for knowledge and teaching, and I was looking for a friend. Ultimately whether he could not or just didn’t want to, he met none of these criteria. I realize that his journey, as real as it was to him, was self-contained. I wish him well, I truly do, but I do not think that we will meet again, as he does not show up to any of the downtown parks anymore. I have not seen him at any local or national events since, either. I wonder how he is doing now.

There are so many smiling and interesting people who disappeared. Where are they? A friend’s mother, who was at the club thirty years ago, I ran into the friend, and found there was a connection. But the mother doesn’t go anymore. Where is everyone?

Everywhere I go, the people are not the same. There are no people. But the wind and the trees are the same. The same sun rising. The same peng bird in the sky. I listen to the wind in the trees for companionship now, because it does not go away.

Tao Te Ching Chapter 36 Commentary

Posted on By Appledog

Bend before breaking,
Weigh before bending,
Enter before Weighing,
and don’t think about seizing;
It’s a subtle insight,
four ounces defeat a thousand pounds.

Like a fish hidden in deep waters,
the final chapter needs not be revealed.

–(Tao Te Ching Chapter 36)

All famous translations I have checked seem to botch this chapter. They give a direct translation, which disjoints the first and second parts of the chapter. Examples abound; Leary, DT Suzuki, Leggae, Lin Yutang, even Red Pine, none of them seem to understand the author’s intention is to convey what the subtle insight is to the reader.

Spoiler alert, the subtle insight is not “the weak defeats the strong”. That is, rather, an effect — or, enabled by — the understanding and application of the subtle insight.

For example, which translation explains the nature of the imagery of the fish in a deep pool of water (not merely in “a pool of water”, but a “deep pool”)? It is like water moved by an unseen fish; the fish cannot leave the pool, but nonetheless it’s effect is seen from outside. I think catching that fish goes a great way towards making a meal out of the subtle insight of Chapter 36. Another harmonious proverb is the story of the doctor who treats people before they get sick.

Here I have rewritten the chapter to apply to traditional martial arts such as Tai Chi, or Aikido, in an attempt to point out this “subtle insight.”

Tao Te Ching Chapter 10 Commentary

Posted on By Appledog

Tai Chi Test!

Instructions: Read and answer the questions. The test begins at 5am and you must turn in your papers between 7am and 7:30am. You must answer all questions fully and you may not leave before the allotted time.

  1. Carrying body and soul and embracing the one, can you avoid separation?
  2. Attending fully and becoming supple, can you be as a newborn babe?
  3. Washing and cleansing the primal vision, can you be without stain?
  4. Loving all men and ruling the country, can you be without cleverness?
  5. Opening and closing the gates of heaven, can you play the role of woman?
  6. Understanding and being open to all things, are you able to do nothing?
  7. Giving birth and nourishing, bearing yet not possessing, working yet not taking credit, leading yet not dominating, this is the primal virtue.

Answer Section

Wait a moment. Number seven isn’t a question! Ahh, so that’s why we have to read them all first. The answer is hidden in the test questions.

So let’s see, what did Sifu teach me? Think back. What would Sifu say about this?

1. In Wuji posture, avoid separation, i.e. into yin and yang. This means relax everything. So you don’t have weight on one leg or another; you don’t have tension in one shoulder or another, both hands are equally relaxed. There is no preference or readiness in your posture, no idea informing directionality. It’s just a relaxation posture.

2. We can let go of our shape, and become like a newborn babe. This will allow us to more easily observe the small. Similar to No. 1.

3. The primal vision is probably the vision which can see the primal unity. It must be without stain. One may not be tired, and one must avoid alcohol, smoking, even coffee and sugar. In our modern life we are simply not as relaxed as in prior generations. So we must take special care to relax and fang song.

4. Trying to win, or trying to impose your will (like, applying a technique) can end up hurting people. Therefore it is better to follow than to lead.

5. In utilization (opening and closing) this would mean in use. We could consider form or push hands. Playing the role of woman is the “asking hand”, the 試應手 (shi4 ying4 shou3); “yose-miru”, or (sorry, wrong word) “yosu-mi”, in Japanese. It is a term from the game of Go (Wei-qi). So instead of initiating upon touch, play the role of the receiver. Ex. in push hands one must play the follower. These are good first steps.

6. Once you have ingrained all eight directions, do not intend to follow any one of them, but allow the direction to emerge on it’s own.

7. It is said then, that it must be flowing and continuous, without breaks, stops or starts. But if this is forced, it is not the best way. For example if one moves in a straight line it is surely because one has overlaid their own mental imagery over their body, placing it into subjugation by the will of the mind, instead of following the natural surroundings.

Overall, we should pay special attention to the principle of mercy and not the principle of cruelness. Be grateful and stand before the teacher and wait, with attention, smile and listen! This way is easier to learn more. Thus only those with good morals will achieve success.

Finding Sifu

Posted on By Appledog

I had joined the Taoist Tai Chi society at Age 16 after a few years of experimenting with meditation and yoga. I had read that Tai Chi was the supreme ultimate martial art. I wanted to be able to defend myself, and I figured that if I learned Tai Chi I would be able to defend myself against bullies, even if they knew another martial art — like Tae Kwon Do, or Karate. In fact I had initially gone to the local Tae Kwon Do school. However, it just did not sit right with me. My heart was set on learning Tai Chi so after the first month I went and joined.

As a matter of fact, some of my father’s co-workers were senior members of the club. This helped me get on the good side of the teachers in the club and I dedicated myself to it. I went to every class.

After the first year I moved to Winnipeg and spent the next two years volunteering in the Winnipeg Taoist Tai Chi Society. I would just go there after school and stay until 8 or 9pm when they closed. I would work at the front desk and when no one was around I would practice Taoist Tai Chi. Although I had avoided weapons forms and workshops until that point (as I was just a poor high school student,) I did try to learn some push hands from the senior members of the club. They were reluctant and showed me something, but with no one to practice and with no real interest from the club that idea died down quickly. I investigated the “Lok Hup” and “Hsing I” and sword forms that the club taught to advanced students, but found them wanting. Frankly, they weren’t very good. I began to feel something missing. I had been told by senior club members by that point that Tai Chi wasn’t really a martial art. I had heard tales of other styles of Tai Chi that had been corrupted, and that only the Taoist Tai Chi society had the real art. I didn’t really understand or accept these statements, being young, but I went with them, being young. But it was when Moy Lin-Shin himself sent a memo to all clubs which was posted to the wall that Taoist Tai Chi was definately not a martial art, and had no martial art in it — that I realized I did not belong in that club. You see what happened was, some schools in Toronto broke away from the Taoist Tai Chi society and Mr. Moy became very angry that his deception had been exposed. He sent out the notice that anyone who practiced any other style of tai chi was to be placed upder suspicion and maybe kicked out of the club. And he was very explicit that it was not a martial art.

Master Steve Higgins wrote an article explaining some of this as the events surrounding all this led to the reformation of the Canadian Taijiquan Federation (link 1) (link 2).

The growth of the CTF in those days was stimulated by the lack of alternatives to the TTCS. Happily, those alternatives exist today. The entire martial arts and Tai Chi landscape has changed. The continuing challenge for the CTF is to adapt to these changes and to continue to serve the needs of the Tai Chi community at large.

Things were a little different in Winnipeg. At least at that time, there was really only the one school of Tai Chi.

Sifu Patrick Kelly

I decided to look up Chinese Kungfu schools in the Yellow Pages. There were two; Temple Knights and the Ching Wu Athletic Association. There was also a Muay Thai club that a friend of mine was interested in, and a Tae Kwon Do school. In those days, Winnipeg only had 600,000 people living in it, so there were not many options. So the choice I made was easy, I went to the Ching Wu Athletic association. The first time I walked in, I saw Sifu David Cliffe practising a form in what you might consider a shuai jiao outfit — kind of like a karate gi on top but with kungfu pants. He told me to come back at a different time because as it turned out it was a holiday (or something) and the school was closed.

When I came back at the appointed time, I was the first one there. And up the stairs came Sifu Patrick Kelly, although I did not know it at the time. He was in a way unassuming and I didn’t realize he was a teacher there. He took me into the front room where there was a desk and I sat opposite him. He asked me why I wanted to learn Kung Fu. I told him I liked Jacky Chan and I wanted to learn how to defend myself. He had a binder with information on different styles. One of them was praying mantis, another was five elders. There may have been a few others. I told him I wanted to learn Tai Chi. He had also asked me if I learned martial arts before, so I told him about my time at the Taoist Tai Chi society. Well by this time other people had started to come in so he asked me to start along with the class. What followed was a pretty standard karate school warmup but then we did wushu line exercises. Kicks, punches, and so forth.

The two forms I was taught were Lohan Shiba Shou — the 18 hands of Lohan, and the Ba Bu Lian Quan — eight step linked fist. I was told these were the two foundation styles of both Eagle Claw and Praying Mantis — and were, overall, excellent beginner kungfu forms. I found the forms challenging but also exhilirating. The requirements of these forms — deep stances, strong endurance and leg strength, power and precision, were at once the same as and also completely unlike the Taoist Tai Chi I had been learning. Over the next several months Sifu Patrick Kelly explained many things to me such as, you must first learn to be hard before you can learn to be soft, lessons about “mothering”, and so on. Many guidance. But the one thing that struck me the greatest is that he expressed the fire of kung fu. There was something about him — something about the way he did his forms — which was special. Apart from others.

Sadly, after only perhaps five months I had to move away for my university. It was a very sad day for me. I won’t forget what he said to me when I left — that it was a pity I had to go because he was just starting to like me. It’s things like this that defined Sifu Patrick Kelly — an uncompromising, almost Killik flair, a precision and a lively energy that shone off of him. I have to this day never met anyone else with the same visible skill as his — except…

In any case, I had made friends at that school and I will always remember those times fondly, even though they are in the past.

The magic begins to fade

After I had left University I went back to visit Ching Wu for a while, but things had changed. They didn’t really teach Kung Fu any more the way they did previously. In fact the people there seemed to have changed their tune and were of the opinion that Kung Fu couldn’t really be used to fight. In stead I was asked to spar with boxing gloves. I did it, but it wasn’t my style, not really. I wanted to go back and continue my education there. But I could not. Also, as I had fallen upon some hard times, I had to give up my practice almost a year earlier. I was not in the best of shape, and when Patrick Kelly came to visit the club, despite my enthusiasm about meeting him and learning again, he was at best lukewarm. It was understandable, as I did not live up to his expectations. I was deflated but not crushed over that. It was more of a push to resolve myself to resume my practice.

Over the next three years I had found myself living in Toronto, struggling to survive as a 19 to 21 year old (or so). I had many adventures in Toronto in those days. I lived in many different places, made many different friends. I had resumed the practice of the two forms Patrick Kelly taught me, and to this day I retain a passing familiarity with them, and will not forget them — but as it turned out I would never meet him again. I do not know what happened to him. And now that I live in Taiwan I have finally given up on contacting him. But, someday, it would be nice to just be able to say thank you. It is important because he was my first real Sifu, if even only for a short time. I recognized his value, somehow, and that had an effect on me which lasted. And for that he does deserve many thanks.

It takes three years to find a master.

I had spent many years touring the Tai Chi clubs of Toronto. Li Lairen, Rising Sun, Andy James, Eddie Wu’s, Ji Hong — you name it — even some other clubs, like Augusta Hung Gar, Hong Luck, and basically everything. If it was taught I visited it. I even rooted out some special gems, like one of Wan Lai-Sheng’s students in Alexandra, and one of Feng’s disciples that was hiding out in Toronto at the time. I even met a monk that did a strange form of internal arts that was like a combination of Sun Style and Chen Style. Never seen it since. But no one ever really struck me as being a match to Patrick Kelly. This doesn’t mean they were not good. In retrospect I might have been better off just going to Eddie Wu’s school — There’s really nothing wrong with that! But it’s just not how things worked out. During this time I spent many long hours in the parks of Chinatown learning from the older generation, following various groups throughout the morning.

I had gotten involved in Taoism and Buddhism as a way to escape my depressing living conditions. I remember attending sunday lunch at the Chinese Buddhist temple near the park, because I did not have any money for food. They gave me some free books. Sutras, I think. I didn’t have a place to live at the time so I couldn’t really keep many things but I held on to those little books for a while. Some of the sutras really appealed to me and were very pretty to read.

I would spend hours in the Toronto Public Library AV section, watching Chinese operas and old martial arts performances. One of my favourites was the 1991 Canadian Taiji and Push Hands tournament which featured a performance by none other than Sifu Patrick Kelly. He was visibly above everyone else on the tape. It was astounding. I would often shed a tear of regret and wonder to myself, “What have I done?” as if all of it was my fault. It probably was, somehow. I could have practiced harder. I could have tried to stay. My life was a failure and I wondered aloud if I had only become a kungfu master instead my life would have been better. My education was a waste. I threw myself into practice even more and would often spend 3 or 4 hours in the park every morning with the seniors. I made progress but it was slow, and there was no one there to really guide me. I fell deeper into depression and almost lost everything.

Life was not working out very well for me. I had managed to graduate Humber College with honors but due to the 1999 tech bubble most people who were applying for the same jobs as I was had many years of experience and I did not. I stuck to my guns about it, and kept a stiff upper lip, but I never did find a job in the computer industry.

Woodgreen Community Center

One day I had heard tale of a Tai Chi instructor in Woodgreen Community Center. Whispers, really. I went to visit and I was utterly astounded. Now, how did I find out? I’m not really sure. It may have been, I was looking for community centers to teach the 24 form in, as a volunteer, as a way to try and build up references for work.

When I went to Woodgreen however, I met two instructors there who had the same if not more energy and liveliness as Sifu Patrick Kelly. They even knew who he was and were fond of him! Apparently he had moved to China and was learning from a master there. Well, that explained why I couldn’t find him.

I recognized the value of what I was being taught but I had a very hard life and I was poor. The fact is I simply could not afford to go to lessons all the time. Nevertheless I practiced hard and within six months I had achieved visible results. Sifu made me demonstrate the form in front of the class but I was mortified with embarrassment so I don’t think I did a good job. But it was experiences like that which defined my time with them. I look back at those days with a certain natsukashiikute — I had spent a long time in the martial arts community of Toronto, visiting various schools — Andy James’ school, Li Lairen’s school, Hong Luck, Augusta Hung Gar, and many others. Finding my sifus was like finally coming home, it was all such a wonderful experience.

Yet, meeting them showed me that in reality I was not yet ready to learn kung fu in the first place.

The Diary of a Failure

In the early years I had tried to learn from Sifu many times and I failed many times because of my karma. Because I was not ready, my life was not ready and needed to be fixed. For a long time I struggled to fix my life. After a long time I was able to return to my Sifus, variously over the years. Finally in 2017 and 2022 I was able to return and finally grasp the most important lessons and to achieve lineage in our family system.

I used to think the most important lesson I was taught was by Patrick Kelly, which is to have the fire to push yourself. Yet now I realize that fixing your life first and taking your time with personal development as well as kung fu development is the greatest lesson. Sometimes, pushing yourself too hard will cause you to hurt yourself. I had never really believed this or understood similar phrases like “reach for the cart before the horse,” but one day I decided that I would accept it even if I did not believe it. It was only then that I realized the truly most important lesson was that I had to fix my life before I would be able to learn kung fu.

Even if you feel sick and horrified that you are not yet good enough, it is no matter, you must relax and take things one step at a time. Panic will not help, it takes time. You can take solace in the idea that walking the road is 99.999% of the art, and as long as you are walking the correct road, does it really matter where you are on it?

“You do not choose a style, you choose a teacher…”

And so I did what I could to just accept the way in which I was taught by my teachers. After so many years, they had made changes to their form. The 20 postures became 24. Moves in Yilu were changed. In fact in the end, I had to learn many things I didn’t want to learn — only to realize later that I actually liked them and to see how helpful they were! It was only when I was able to accept this that I was able to understand everything and make real progress. Not just in Kungfu but in my life. And, I will carry on these important lessons to future generations.